Terms & Conditions

Terms & Conditions

This is a song I wrote in October 2024 about all the pesky terms & conditions that few of us ever read, and even fewer understand.


Terms & Conditions

Terms & conditions apply,
and with them you must comply.
You've ticked the box,
you've signed your name,
you've read them all, or so you claim,
but we all know that's a lie,
and terms & conditions apply.

If the things that we supply,
harm you or make you cry.
You could complain,
but it's such a pain,
and would be in vain, and drive you insane.
So why go to the trouble and try,
as terms & conditions apply.

If it's bad or falls apart,
or won't even start.
It's not our fault,
so don't blame us,
as to make a fuss would be superfluous,
as terms & conditions apply,
and with them you must comply.

Terms & conditions apply,
and should you fail to comply,
we can take car,
we can take your house,
we can take your kids and pets and spouse,
we can take your hopes,
we can take your dreams,
we can take your plots, your plans and schemes,
we can take your ambitions,
we can take your goals,
and we can even take your very soul,
as terms & conditions apply,
and with them you must comply.

We hope you have nice day,
and everything goes your way,
but if nothing works,
and it drives you beserk,
there's nothing we can do, other than smirk,
as terms & conditions apply,
and with them you must comply.

Here's a recording:

Simon Ager · Terms & Conditions


Songs I've written

The Elephant Song | When you get to jiggit | Chaos | Winter | Everyday adventures | Hints of Blossom | A Panda in a Poncho | Plinkin Plookplooks | Spollagyn son tey | How Many Roads? | A Gnu in My Shoe | A Hen in My Hat | The Ballad of the Wug and the Cra | La Plume de ma Tante | Ukuleles On The Shore | Echoes on the Tongue | Dardledumdue | It's Okay To Be Odd | Monday Morning | Tall Tales | Sail Across The Sky | Two Left Feet | Thunder River | Ning | Lazybones | Goats | The Toaster Song | Hello Hi Hey | Thingamajig | Jolly Yuletide | The Pliffploff | Bubbles | Distraction | Little Lions | The Little Green Owl | Pannas Owen | Seize The Day | Music in the Air | Pocket Hedgehogs | Dust | Lillilu | Lost in a Good Book | Quiet Please | Ffaldiral | Melting 😅 | That's When We'll Do That Thing | As Easy As | What Did I Come In Here For? | Upside Down | Thoir An Aire! | Ho Ha Hey | Patience | Time | Farewell | Stuff and Nonsense | Ruith Air Falbh / Run Away! | The Other Side | Colourless Green Ideas | Noodling | Off To Sea | Cats & Dogs | Terms & Conditions

Other songs

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